I don't like to write when I feeling low, uninspired, worn out. This week as been as challenging as any that I can possible remember. David will have been gone a year in a few weeks. He was supposed to be home on July 8th or so. All year I've told myself if I can just make it to that date. As its gotten closer I've sought comfort in knowing he is almost back. But, to make a long story short he forgot about some paperwork we needed to turn in which will set everything back, moving, him coming home, me staying in this broken house etc.....I feel like I've been running a race for a year, and I've kept my eye on
the finish line, now it's suddenly taken out of sight, I can't see it. Then he didn't call me on my birthday or get me a card, he forgot. It hurt. I sort of lost it and cut all my dreads off. It was very freeing but I don't like it, I've never had short hair before. All I see in the mirror is boy. Then to make matters worse me and my mom got in a huge fight that resulted in my saying I hate her and never want to see her again. It's father's day, I can't call my dad, since he lives with my mom and all. I didn't go to church today. I can cancelled my myspace because I don't want to talk to anyone. My friend called me last night to try to make me feel better she said, it's not all about you Lindsay, everyone is going through stuff. I guess that's supposed to make me feel better but it doesn't. This week has sucked so much that tomorrow I'm going to the mental health clinic and ask them for help. I've always blamed my moods on my Gemini horoscope. But my actions this week scared me and I wonder if it's not something more serious. I'm not my ideal self at all....
Comments (3)
when i look at you i see a beautiful mama and a child of Abba.
life is messy and complicated and sometimes it's hard to see the point of it all. sometimes you feel like tearing out your hair and clawing at your face. i think that this is normal (relatively).
...but don't hide, sister. share with the world even the seemingly ugly stuff.
you're in my thoughts and prayers.
ps- you have to remember the situation you are in. if yelling at your mom and cutting off your hair is the worst you did, that's not so crazy...however, get help if ou truly feel you need it.
*hugs*
I'm really sorry about everything you're going through, feeling alone, etc. And yes, do share, don't hide. We all have bad sides, freak out, and do things we regret when under stress or pressure, or feeling hurt.
By the way, I really like your hair. It's very cute. Not like a boy.
I've been wanting to cut my dreads off too.
I think you look beautiful! Your face is way too feminine to look like a boy.